Monday, May 17, 2010

How to Marry and Keep a Supermodel: Lessons from a Mid-Wife Crisis!

Herman Franck, Esq.
Kit Media (2009)
ISBN 9780984396207
Reviewed by Olivera Baumgartner-Jackson for Reader Views (04/10)

"How to Marry and Keep a Supermodel" by Herman Franck, is, according to the author himself, a "hybrid of reality and fiction," strongly influenced by the so-called Appendix B, which describes the real story as remembered by the author. The story is an age-old one. Boy meets girl. Boy chases girl. Boy marries girl. They live happily ever after. Until they don't. Girl falls in love with another man. Boy still loves girl. Boy wants girl back. Boy fights for the girl.


The more I read, the more confused I became. First of all, there was this underlying current of bitterness, nastiness and barely hidden desire for vengeance, or so it seemed. Granted, a man betrayed will definitely feel bitter, but the overall tone of the book, starting with the assessment of the supermodels as "having various psychological issues, mental shortcomings, and a general shallowness permeating their entire lives" simply did not sit well with me. If the supermodels are this bad, why in the world would anybody so badly need to marry one? That overall tone really turned me off, although I tried to view it as some sort of catharsis or a healing process and tried my best to find humor in it.  Another strongly jarring note in the book was the author's constant self-promotion, stressing his image as a handsome guy, successful attorney and prolific writer. While self-promotion can certainly be useful, I usually find it more palatable if it is at least slightly more subtle. Then along came the occasionally downright crude imagery and statements such as, "There are those times when the best therapy is a hooker." No matter how hard I tried, I simply could not develop much of a liking for our hero, whether he was real or imaginary.

Having said all of this, on a certain level I found "How to Marry and Keep a Supermodel" quite entertaining. Some of the passages, particularly those describing the early stages of Mr. Franck's relationship with Sassafras, were refreshingly down to Earth and quite touching.  While I am not a big poetry fan, I can see how writing poems to the girl one loves could really make her see the suitor in a new light. Mr. Franck's poems were touchingly vulnerable and there is no denying that Mr. Franck loves to write and he should continue to do so.


While I am not somebody who enjoys the "airing of family's dirty linens in public" and "tabloid stories," I can still see certain merits in this book and I definitely hope that writing "How to Marry and Keep a Supermodel" helped Mr. Franck heal. As for his next book, I would love to see him write something more positive and upbeat though.

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